Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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