Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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