i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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