the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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