She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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