are you still at the devil's house?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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