I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
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There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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