Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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