On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
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I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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