dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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