is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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