Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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