My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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