Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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