AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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