Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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