at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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