Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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