someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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