All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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