Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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