i was born a porn star she said
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize