I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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