So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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