Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize