This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize