if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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