You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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