fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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