Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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