all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
this is an emotional support booty call
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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