Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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