I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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