i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He shit in the fireplace
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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