SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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