I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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