i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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