I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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