You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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