How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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