After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
