So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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