the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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