We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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