I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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