I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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