So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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