I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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