remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize