eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize